So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
