yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
