What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
