just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
