is your mom at the bar?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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