so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
