yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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