guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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