I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
