my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
