On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize