think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
