one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
