This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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