The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
