I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
