My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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