i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
