He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
