i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize