His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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