Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
