ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
