dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
