yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
