I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
