$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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