Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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