No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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