shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
