I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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