OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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