Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
