all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
