batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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