I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
