Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
