alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
