I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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