I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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