I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
