yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
