White coat. Heels.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
