I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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