literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
