p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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