I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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