please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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