He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
