my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
