He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
