he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
