Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
