just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
