and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
