i may or may not be watching the land before time
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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