He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
