I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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