She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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