these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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