Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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