Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
only if we run a train.
done.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
