I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
