Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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