Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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