I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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