so that wasnt chicken after all
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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