He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
