Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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