I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
