he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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